Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
