I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
