at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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