I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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