In the future we'll all be gay
Can i not drive my cunt home
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
