Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
