After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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