barbara walters just said penis...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
