I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
