my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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