Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
