Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
