turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
