watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
