I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
