3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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