Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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