Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
