we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
