i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
