i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
