i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
how drunk are you?
Several
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
