They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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