I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
