I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
