Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
