So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize