i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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