Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
