I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
