She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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