Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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