Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
