glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
