don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
