it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
