Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
