Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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