So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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