Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
