why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
