get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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