Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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