Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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