I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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