You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
