some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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