marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program