and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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