i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
