i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out