If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.