Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
