I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
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You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.