Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.

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(619): View more from California

surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(540): View more from Virginia

Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.

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(417): View more from Missouri

How drunk are you?

(1-417): View more from Missouri

Completed.

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