Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
