im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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