Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
