Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
