At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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