Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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