need another drink. this is the easiest way
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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