We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
