i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
