I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
