its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
