that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
