she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
