If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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