She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
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You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
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My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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