You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
