Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
