we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize