Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
