It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it's like iHOP with fire
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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