I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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