At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
