I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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