You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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