the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
