just tell him i said nine months
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize