I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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