i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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