smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
