My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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