We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
